'Tiggerman' JW Collins vs. Craig Miles
Monday, March 20 2006
The Spectrum: Philadelphia, PA
(FADEIN: Back LIVE! An overhead camera panning around the Spectrum, fans buzzing in excitement for the next match...suddenly, the lights turn to pitch black, photoflashes start flickering everywhere as the crowd gets hot! The unmistakable 4/4 drumbeat and backbeat distortion drenched guitar strokes of ‘SLOW RIDE’ by Foghat gets the audience even more riled up!) RICE: (V/O) “Welcome back to UWA PIRATE TV! Let’s take it down to the MacDaddy Buff Manley for introductions!” (CUTTO: MANLEY standing square and center in the black canvas of the UWA ring, smiling broadly as the fans start singing along to the classic...) MANLEY: “This next match is scheduled for one fall under UWA RULES – NO DISQUALIFICATIONS, NO COUNTOUTS, NO TIME LIMIT! It is a special attraction grudge match! Introducing our first competitor, a veritable tag team legend and decorated Ultimate Wrestling Alliance veteran! The Shag-a-Delic Superman! The Cat that Makes Pussy Growl! (HUGE pop!) TIGGGGGGGGERMANNNNNNN! JAY DUBYA COLLLLLLLINNNNNNNNSSSSSSSSS!” WHEEEEEEEEEEEER! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! (CUTTO: Smoke pouring out of the pirate ship cannons as ‘TIGGERMAN’ JW COLLINS stands on the plank, beaming widely and wearing tiger-striped ring pants with a matching silk robe. COLLINS adjusts his 70’s style brown-tinted aviator sunglasses as the crowd eats up the fact he’s still got some of his old wardrobe! COLLINS hops off the plank onto the gantry, but doesn’t walk down the ramp – instead opts to get down and dirty, slapping hands Rock N’ Roll Express style along the crowd barricade, cameramen having trouble keeping track of him.) ”WELCOME BACK! WELCOME BACK!” RICE: (V/O) “Well, what a story it is tonight! After too long of an absence from this sport, JW Collins gets a second lease on it all tonight – a marquee matchup against his former best friend, tag partner and Perfect Alliance founder.” RIDDICK: (V/O) “They say never to trust the devil and JW Collins learned the hard way, he probably could’ve put more faith in the unholy than Craig Miles. The man’s heart is as black as Prosser.” (CUTTO: COLLINS ringside still slapping hands, when all of a sudden he stops and lowers his sunglasses to the bridge of his nose – making eyes with a hot 40 year old lady at ringside! COLLINS digs into his robe pocket pulling out a black Sharpie and raises it to the air getting a massive pop! The woman lowers her shirt allowing COLLINS to sign her upper boob while screaming “GRRRR BABY! THE TIGGERMAN SAYS GRRRRR!”) RIDDICK: (V/O) “Its good to see we haven’t forgotten our history...” RICE: (V/O) “Forgotten it? I feel like we’re completely revising it!” (CUTTO: Back to MANLEY as COLLINS’ music cuts off, the ‘Tiggerman’ slingshots into the ring and quickly gets out of his robe...) MANLEY: “And introducing his opponent! (LOUD BOOS!) The Man who sold Eddie Mayfield down the river, only to watch his wife get bitchslapped by the Master earlier this evening! The Man that couldn’t find his own heat in Hell! (now CHEERS!) A carrier of syphillis because he’s screwed the most tainted piece of ass this side of some dirty street corner in Bangkok! THE FUCKER THAT SMELLS LIKE BAD CHEESE! I HOPE YOU DIE OF CANCER! ...CRAIG. FUCKING. MILES.” (CUTTO: No music. No Pyro. Just Craig standing on the plank, the Spectrum drowned in boos. MILES takes it all in, a Newport dangling from his lips and the bright lights dancing off his silver sunglasses. He takes a slow drag with one hand, while his other arm holsters a not-so-subtle discretion that this may be a ladder match very soon. MILES isn’t wearing shirt or shoes, just coming for service in a pair of faded blue jeans...) RIDDICK: (over LOUD booing!) “I can barely hear the voices in my head!” RICE: “Why we’re not still feeding you pills is beyond me! I can’t even hear myself either – and lookit Miles, just smoking a cigarette on that plank and not moving an inch! You wouldn’t be able to know that he’s just dealt with his wife being humilated and now forced to pull DOUBLE DUTY tonight!” RIDDICK: “Well, any good therapist would say that’s good for Craig. After all, his wife goes through those same exact motions while he’s on the road.” RICE: “I can see where this night’s headed...Miles *still* standing on that plank, smoking that cigarette! He’s just holding that ladder...I think he’s just soaking this in, a calm before the storm...” RIDDICK: “Eddie Mayfield tried to kill him. Well, he almost succeeded in Deacon killing Miles, but let’s face it – the Jesus Freak sent Miles to hell and the Devil said ‘HELL NO’ and now he’s back on our doorstep.” RICE: “Well, he’s IN the house tonight...and FINALLY coming down to ringside after flicking away those trademark Newports that probably will give him Cancer one day, proving that even Buff Manley’s dreams come true.” (CUTTO: MILES walking down the ramp, his silver sunglasses flickering as the fan’s verbal and proverbial trash start hitting him from all sides...nevertheless Craig has that MILESwide smirk entrenched strongly, possibly due to the ladder he’s bringing down to the proceedings. MILES gets to the ringside area and tosses the ladder into the ring with a loud clang, then asks for and receives a microphone.) MILES: “JW Collins. Friend. Redneck and general proof on why the heartland shouldn’t keep it All in the Family. (LOUD boos! MILES enters the ring, waving them off) Its ok, there was a time when me and the ‘Tiggerman’ lit up this arena. That was all before the seven children with six different mothers and the failed real estate venture somewhere in the middle of Bumfuck, Tennessee.” (CLOSEUP: The referee trying to hold back COLLINS from starting the match early! MILES reaches into the back of his pocket and pulls out a BIG wad of cash. COLLINS stops in his tracks wide-eyed.) MILES: “That’s right, buddy. COLD. HARD. CASH. (the crowd saunters down into a buzz) The kind of cash that could really help a man in upwards of fifty-thousand dollars in debt...” RICE: (V/O) “Oh come on, there’s no reason to bring this man’s personal life into this! Miles is scum.” (CUTTO: A hook lowering from the ceiling, a several paged document attached to clipboard dangling off of it...the crowd starts buzzing...) MILES: (holding up the cash) “This is five thousand dollars...the same amount you owe Molly Mason of Jackson, Mississippi for the THREE bastard children you had with her, before you ran out and left her all alone to join the CSWA...” RICE: (V/O) “Jesus Christ.” MILES: (handing the ref the cash, which makes him bugeyed!) “All you’ve gotta do is get those papers...and I’LL PAY IT FOR YOU...” (MILES throws the mic into the crowd, who are in disbelief as is JW COLLINS who’s looking at the ref like he might mug him! As Craig takes off his silver sunglasses, JW shoves the ref out of the way and charges!) RIDDICK: “Cheat the cheater first, I like it!” RICE: “Collins nails Miles from behind with a running axehandle to the back! (cheers! bell ring!) Miles turning around, OH! Big right fist from JW! Another! He’s giving up a couple inches and around twenty-five pounds to his partner, but let’s hope he’s still got some of that speed and technical prowess!” RIDDICK: “He’s beating him harder than a drunk redneck on a Tuesday afthernoon, I don’t know if there’s anything technical in this man’s mind!” RICE: “A flurry of right hands has Miles trapped in the corner! Collins climbing up the turnbuckle and wailing away, you may be right – this looks like a brawl! (screams!) Wait! Miles carrying Collins out and drops him with an Inverted Atom—NO! Collins lands away from the knee and (cheers!) Armdrag takedown by the Tiggerman! Miles up, and another takedown! Miles scrambling (pop!) And a dropkick sends Miles up and over the ropes!” (CUTTO: MILES somehow landing on his feet, but walking aimlessly in a daze; COLLINS steps out into the apron and immediately runs off to crowd cheers!) RICE: (over LOUD pop!) “BULLDOG OFF THE APRON! MILES JUST GOT FACEPLANTED!” RIDDICK: “The little man’s been chomping at the bit for years, Miles just threw gasoline on the fire with the money!” RICE: “Collins gripping Miles by the hair and head’s up! OOH! He just smacked Miles’ head off the apron, and now rolls him back inside the ring...Collins following in quickly and he’s got a hold of the ladder! Miles staggering up – OH! He just stuffed that ladder right into Miles’ midsection doubling the ‘Cocky’ one over! (SMACK! CHEERS!) FORRRE! Miles on the mat from that ladder shot and now Collins placing the ladder across Miles’ chest – (SMACK! Groans!) Double Stomp onto the ladder!” RIDDICK: “Its a story tried and true, Natrone...two tag partners, one becomes a drunken backwater hick wanted as a deadbeat dad in 20 different heartland counties, while the other lands facefirst in fame, fortune and cocaine on his cornflakes. Tonight, isn’t about anything else but revenge, pride and karma.” RICE: “Collins stomping that ladder onto Miles, these fans screaming for this man to do some really bad stuff to the former Intruder. You wonder why Miles makes a night that can’t go any worse, something this more...” RIDDICK: “Hillbilly?” RICE: “No...well yes. Collins grabbing Miles by the head and OH! He just slammed his head onto that ladder, these fans loving every minute of it! Collins grabbing the Cocky one by the hair and plants a right hand in the kisser, Miles staggering back into the corners...Collins whirls him around, and slaps him across the chest! OH! Another one! Boot to the gut by Collins, he’s got Miles around the head! HERE WE GOOOOOOOOO! (CRACK! LOUD CHEERS!) TORNADO DDT ON THE LADDER! GOODNIGHT GRACIE!” RIDDICK: “Miles’ head’s busted open, the river’s flowing early!” RICE: “Don’t get too excited yet, for this match to end Collins needs to CLIMB that ladder if he wants...I can’t believe I’m saying this...Miles to pay child support for three of his seven children.” RIDDICK: “Only in America.” RICE: “And Collins grabbing the ladder, he’s setting it up under the hook! (crowd pop!) Collins wasting no time and possibly showing more desperation that he may want to publicly...Collins now set up, but Miles is stirring! Collins climbing up...and Miles is up! He’s got a hold of JW’s leg, the ‘Tiggerman’ trying to shake himself fr—(THWACK! loud groans!) OH! Collins just slipped and jawjacked himself! OH! Miles with a haymaker hitting the bullseye and Collins is down!” RIDDICK: “JW hasn’t been in that ring with this man in quite some long time, lord knows what’s gone on with him over the years...but the man is CHANGED. He’s completely psychotic and would be locked up if this government had any sort of brains at all.” RICE: “Miles has a handful of hair, dragging up Collins to his feet and pushing him into the corner! (SLAP!) Oh c’mon! He just slapped him across the face!” (CLOSEUP: An already bleeding MILES screaming “That’s one to welcome you back to reality! This next one’s to remind you that at the end of the day, you’re still nothing but a piece of deadbeat trash!”) RIDDICK: “No soul. NONE.” (SLAP! The crowd cheers as COLLINS’ eyes light up causing MILES’ to bulge! JW grabs MILES by the shoulders and whirls him around into the corner and starts kicking away frantically at Craig’s midsection, MILES selling it like gunshots!) RICE: “Collins rapid fire kicking Miles! Big right hand! Another! IRISH WHIP! (CRACK!) INTO THE LADDER! LOOKOUT! (CRACK!) DROPKICK INTO THE LADDER! Miles falls on top of it, I think he’s underestimated the fire in JW Collins’ soul tonight! Collins ripping him up by the hair, Irish Whip off the ropes...MILES GOING UUUUUUUUUP! (CRACK! “OHHHHHHHHH!”) BACKBODY DROP ON THE LADDER! Miles screaming and holding that back, wham! Collins with a stomp! Another! Another!” RIDDICK: “If you’re gonna fight a hillbilly, you don’t want to make up some hillbilly rules!” RICE: “Collins grabbing Miles and hooks him...Side Backbreaker! Collins breaks Miles over his knee and deposits him to the mat...you can see the hate in this man’s eyes. Collins going up to the second turnbuckle...Elbow Drop across the head of the former Professional!” RIDDICK: “Collins breaking out the arsenal from yesteryear, good to know he’s been keeping up.” RICE: “JW Collins was one of the greatest technicians in tag team and singles wrestling, he may be drinking six-packs instead of sporting one, but Miles better be careful or he’ll be paying some cash tonight...” RIDDICK: “Miles drops that amount weekly on his cocaine habit.” RICE: “Oh c’mon now. Collins grabbing Miles and lookit this – he’s picking up for the old Hart Attack Cockyline they did! (COLLINS raises a fist with a “WOO!” getting a pop!) OOH! Collins slams Miles to the mat and has his legs hooked, HERE WE GO! BOSTON CRAB hooked in by the ‘Tiggerman’! Miles quickly grabs the ropes, but HAHA – the ref saying that don’t matter!” (CUTTO: MILES flipping the ref dual birds, then screaming as COLLINS arches back further!) RICE: “JW Collings trying to break the back of Craig Miles, trying to humble the man that he blames for his own jail time! Miles clawing at the apron...and he’s under the ropes and trying to pull himself out of the ring – wait! Collins letting go, but turning Miles over! (w/ crowd) OHHHHH! Slingshot into the bottom rope!” RIDDICK: “If you don’t think JW Collins has been waiting for this match for the last eight years, lying awake in his prison cell having to fend off a troupe calling themselves the Queenies – you are only kidding yourself!” (CUTTO: COLLINS out on the apron as Craig’s body dangles precaroiusly off the apron...) RICE: “MILES IN TROUUUUUUUUUUBLLLLLLLLE! (CROWD EXPLOSION!) OH GOD! RUNNING LEGDROP! COLLINS JUST DECAPITATED HIS FORMER BEST FRIEND!” RIDDICK: “Shades of the Forceful Entry Demolition legdrop from a decade ago! Only Craig Miles’ neck snapped like a turkey wishbone!” RICE: “Collins grabbing another ladder and tossing it into the ring – I don’t think he’s ever been in a ladder match before, let alone against Craig Miles who’s had dozens...but he’s holding his own tonight! Collins in the ring and setting up the ladder, listen to this crowd get behind him – what a story this would make!” (CLOSEUP: COLLINS positioning the ladder and finishing its setup, he raises his fist to a crowd roar and starts climbing!) ”COLLINS! COLLINS!” RICE: “JW Collins climbing the ladder, but Craig Miles is up on the apron and rolling in the ring...” RIDDICK: “He still can’t breathe!” RICE: “That’s not stopping him from crawling! (crowd gets LOUD!) Collins at the top! He’s reaching for the contract! MILES ON HIS FEET AND RUNNING OFF THE ROPES! JW DOESN’T SEE HIM! (CRACK! LOUD CRASH! BOOS!) OH MY GOD! Miles speared the ladder and Collins FLAPJACKED HOME!” RIDDICK: “And the first signs of JW Collins’ lack of ladder match wrestling experience just showed itself right there! He climbed up the side, he WASN’T facing Craig Miles!” RICE: “We all can’t coach ‘em to be DC Strattons, Neil.” RIDDICK: “HEY!” RICE: “Miles leaning against the ladder and the ropes, trying to catch his breath...Collins getting UPNOOOOOOOOOO! (LOUD SCREAMS!) COCKYLINE! MILES JUST DISCO SPUN COLLINS’ HEAD!” (CLOSEUP: The Dean of Thermodynamics leaning over the ropes with a MILESwide smirk, the crowd on their feet and booing loudly! MILES reaches into his jean pocket and pulls out a crumpled pack of smokes, nodding in response to the deafening jeers!) RIDDICK: “The man enjoys his work too much.” RICE: “Ain’t that the truth! JW Collins is on the mat, weakly kicking...and my god...Collins’ nose is busted open!” (CUTTO: COLLINS’ nose profusely bleeding, the crowd whistling in response as MILES lights up a Newport exhaling a cloud of smoke before rushing in with a stomp to the ‘Tiggerman’s face!) RICE: “Vicious kick from Miles as the tide of this match just got ripped back and fully in Craig Miles’ favor right now! Miles with another kick to Collins’ bleeding face! Miles grabbing him and bringing him up to a vertical base. Scoop up by Miles (crowd starts buzzing!) Oh boy, Miles running around in a circle! Oof! He just slammed Tiggerman into the corner!” RIDDICK: “And you know what that means! Dr. Craig Miles might be looking to reconstruct that broken nose!” RICE: (over crowd getting loud again!) “Miles hooking Collins into a Tree of Woe! Who knows what dangers lurk! Miles now kicking away at Collins’ body! He’s defenseless like this! Miles shoves the ref away, who’s trying to help the ‘Tiggerman’ and now threatening to knock him out!” RIDDICK: “There’s no rules, those ARE Prosser’s rules – but let’s face it, that’s more in Miles’ favor than most guys here tonight!” RICE: “This is true! Miles...oh, this can’t be good he’s grabbing the ladder! LOOK OUT! (crack! “OHHHHH!” crack! “OHHHHHHH!”) Miles ramming that ladder into JW’s face! (crowd screaming!) And now, Miles leaning the ladder on Collins!” (CLOSEUP: MILES smoking on his Newport, he exhales a smoke ring and yells “HOW ‘BOUT THEM COWBOYYYYYYYYYYYS! YEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!”) RIDDICK: “THIS WON’T BE PRETTY!” (LOUD CRACK! “OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”) RICE: “BASEBALL SLIDE DROPKICK INTO THE LADDER! HE’S FREAKING BAREFOOT!” RIDDICK: “Unfortunately, his logic does NOT work that way.” (CLOSEUP: MILES grimacing, but on his knees; cigarette dangling from his lips needing to be ashed and he’s holding his arms up a la T.O on the Cowboys star! the crowd starts throwing trash into the ring, a beer explodes off his chest!) ”YOU FUCKING SUCK! YOU FUCKING SUCK!” RICE: “Craig Miles trying to make friends in Philadelphia all over again, how could we have EVER missed this? JW Collins...his face looks like it’s been thrown through a glass-plated window at this point...Craig Miles standing up and slowly walking towards the bloodied ‘Tiggerman’. Miles dragging the ladder to the center of the ring...” RIDDICK: “And its NOT to set it up, but it might be a landing zone!” RICE: “No doubt about that, Miles now grabbing Collins and picking him up...shove into the corner! Miles with a shoulderblock! Another! Right hand by Miles! Another hard right hand! Miles grabbing Collins (crowd gets loud!) and he’s taking him up to the top rope!” RIDDICK: “And that’s a long way to fall on a ladder!” RICE: “Miles with another right! (crowd screaming now!) Miles now climbing up! He’s got Collins in a front facelock, I think he’s gonna try and Superplex JW Collins onto that ladder! (crowd cheers!) Collins with a right hand to Miles’ gut! Another! (w/ crowd) OHHHHH! Miles just grabbed Collins’ head and slammed it into his knee! Miles rehooks the chancery! (BOOS!) Oh c’mon, he just flicked his cigarette at the crowd! Can he get him UP!?” (crowd starts cheering!) RIDDICK: “Collins is holding the ropes to block it! Miles can’t do it!” RICE: “Collins with a left hand! Another! (GROANS!) Collins with a jab to the groin! Miles falls off the turnbuckles and stumbles onto the mat! (loud cheers!) Collins climbing to the top, he’s trying to balance himself!” RIDDICK: “Miles better turn around!” RICE: “It might be too late the Tiggerman taking FLIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT! MISSILE DROPKICK!” (LOUD CRACK! GROANS!) RICE: “NOOOOOOOOOOOO! MILES MOVED! COLLINS LANDED ON THE LADDER! OH NO!” (CLOSEUP: MILES dangling over the ropes, still hurting from the low blow; COLLINS meanwhile has caved in a mold of his torso into the ladder!) RIDDICK: “JW Collins can’t afford mistakes like that, and considering all the circumstances involved – that’s not a metaphor! The man NEEDS that money!” RICE: “Miles back on his feet and he’s got ahold of Collins again! Miles hooks in a front facelock – he’s going for a suplex (CRACK! “OHHHHH!”) NOOOOO! SITOUT GOURDBUSTER ON THE LADDER!” RIDDICK: “Craig Miles isn’t known for his technical wrestling ability because everyone thinks he’s just some crazy nut!” RICE: “...He IS some crazy nut!” RIDDICK: “The point is that this man is in the prime of his wrestling career in his 30’s, but everyone forgets that he’s been doing this since he’s 18! He’s seen it all, and cause of that monkey w/ pistols fed...maybe too much.” RICE: “The age he started training for the UWA, correct. He wasn’t called a professional for nothing, but JW Collins WAS known as the technical half of the duo...he’s not out this one yet...” RIDDICK: “Miles isn’t even made of flesh and bone anymore...this is like steak and lobster night for him...” RICE: (over boos!) “Well, he’s trying to tear the flesh and bone of Collins, raking his face on that ladder! Miles now picking up Collins and hits a left jab! Another! Right Jab! Right Jab! (LOUD BOOS!) He’s floating like a butterfly, stinging like a bee! Miles off the ropes and he blasts Collins with a side elbow! The Tiggerman on the mat, Miles now picking up that dented ladder...he’s placing it on the ropes...” RIDDICK: “He could be setting him up for the Stun Gun!” RICE: “True! Miles grabbing Collins now, he’s running him towards the ladder! (crack! groans!) Oh! Collins sent packing into the ladder and over the ropes, the ladder falling on top of him! Miles slides out of the ring – and we’re in the danger zone with the only man in America with Danger as his LEGAL middle name!” RIDDICK: “I wonder if Miles has been studying up on ladder matches at the Heel Academy!” RICE: “Miles balancing that ladder across the apron and barricade, this crowd trying to will the Tiggerman out of this hellish onslaught he’s taking! JW trying to pull himself up on the apron, but he’s got Craig comin’ right at him! Miles grabbing his hair, he’s taking aim at that ringpost! (POP!) NO! COLLINS PUSHES OFF AND MILES CRACKS HIS HEAD AGAINST IT! BOTH MEN DOWN!” RIDDICK: “This is what JW needed, maybe he should call in that autograph and get assist from the Double D bomber...” RICE: “Miles trying to shake the effects off, I think that just made that cut on his head worse and he’s starting lose some blood. That doesn’t matter to JW Collins who’s face is full of it right now! He’s getting to his feet, this crowd getting behind him! Miles getting up! (pop!) Collins with a right hand! Miles! Collins! Miles! Collins! (crowd starts gettling loud!) Miles! Miles! Blocked! Collins! (crowd LOUDER!) COLLINS! COLLINS! BOOT TO THE GUT! (CROWD EXPLOSION!) DEEEEEEEE DEEEEEEEE TEEEEEEEEEEEE! MILES DOING THE DEAD FISH DANCE!” RIDDICK: “The little guy’s got grit and Craig Miles is remembering why he tagged with this man in the first place, he had to be tough. Miles smarted up and rode Mayfield’s coattails, so maybe tonight we’ll find out Craig’s just been ridin’ everyone for YEARS.” RICE: “Wouldn’t THAT be something! (crowd clapping and stomping!) Both men are STILL down, but these fans in Philadelphia aren’t done with them yet! And neither are Avery Prosser’s rules, we’ve got No DQ’s, No Countouts, Nothin’, but Philadelphia at its finest!” RIDDICK: “And if either of these two want to win, they have to get BACK in the ring to do it! I don’t know if that’s on either of their minds right now, this is a WAR.” RICE: “We bring the HEAT at UWA, and JW Collins may be ready to throw a few fastballs yet (cheers!) he’s got a hold of Craig’s hair and he’s standing up! Miles is almost dead weight! Collins with a couple rights to Craig’s face to pepper him up, now lifting him up – hold on, duck under and Collins has Craig up for a Back Suplex...(w/ crowd) OHHHHHHHHHH! CROTCHSHOT ON THE GUARDRAIL! MILES IS SCREAMING BLOODY MURDER!” (LOUD CHEERS!) RICE: “COLLINS WITH A DROPKICK AND MILES FALLS INTO THE CROWD!” RIDDICK: “The fans are trashing Miles!” (CLOSEUP: The crowd roaring as MILES drunkenly flies up to his feet and FLAIR FLOPS over the guardrail covered in beer, mustard, fries, and ketchup! COLLINS flies in with his patented flying fistdrop!) RICE: “HAHAAAAAA! The more things change, the more they stay the same! JW grabbing ahold of Miles and dragging him into a standing headscissors! He’s gonna try to break Miles’ neck!” RIDDICK: “Nobody’s complaining, and he’ll take his money!” RICE: “He’s going for PiledriiiiiiiMiles kicking his legs! JW might not have the gas in the tank! (GROANS!) Miles back on his feet and flips over Collins with a back body drop! Oh man, did he just save himself!” (CUTTO: MILES staggering around dizzily covered in his own blood and a variety of condiments, beverages and concession food.) RIDDICK: “One picture speaks a thousand words.” RICE: “Miles getting away from the scene of his escape, but Collins is back on his feet and giving chase! (cheers!) Collins swerves Miles around, right han—NO! Miles ducks! He’s got Collins up for an Atomic Drop, NO! Collins jumps off! Collins turns, charges! (GROANS!) OHHHHHH! INVERTED ATOMIC DROP! MILES HAS COLLINS UP AND OVERRRRRRRRRRR!” (LOUD CRACK! LOUD SCREAMS!) RICE: “COLDCAHHHHHHHHHKKED ACROSS THE LADDER! COLLINS’ HEAD WHIPLASHED AND HE’S LIGHTS OUT!” RIDDICK: “Rule #747 of a Professional – Always know where you are! Eddie taught him well.” RICE: “You can’t just make them up!” RIDDICK: “I’M NOT.” RICE: “Both men down again, but Craig Miles just might’ve knocked out JW Collins for the next 30 minutes with that move! I know I wouldn’t be getting up in the next week from that!” RIDDICK: “Miles strategically placed the ladder, he knew where it was – Collins NEVER saw it coming.” RICE: “He’s fought off alot tonight...I don’t know if his body can take much longer...either of them for that matter! Miles picking himself up along the guardrail, and that crazy S.O.B. is laughing at the verbal whipping these fans are giving him as he’s leaning on that thing. Security’s had their hands full with him...” RIDDICK: “Well, duh.” RICE: “Miles lighting a cigarette, and C’MON! (BOOS!) He’s blowing smoke in the faces of all those fans! Doesn’t he know this is a no smoking building!?!?” RIDDICK: “Well, duh.” RICE: “Miles shaking off the scene and getting back to work, digging under the ring...and pulling out ANOTHER ladder.” RIDDICK: “Is it like a bowling alley under there? Tables and Ladders just always magically stockpiled...” RICE: “We have a deal with Costco. Miles shoving that ladder into the ring, and sweet Georgia Brown – I think he’s gonna try to end this thing! (crowd getting loud!) If JW Collins wants any semblance of pride, revenge...” RIDDICK: “FREE CHILD SUPPORT TO AVOID DETAINMENT IN THE SOUTH.” RICE: “Thanks.” RIDDICK: “Just doin’ my job.” RICE: (over screams!) “Miles has that ladder set up! JW Collins is up stirring, but he may be too late! (LOUD BOOS!) Miles waving goodbye to the Spectrum, but if he’s not careful he may have to stay just a little bit longer now! Miles STARTS the climb!” (CLOSEUP: MILES slowly climbing up the ladder, breathing heavily and his face a crimson mask. Its all offset by the pearly white MILESwide smirk on his face. MILES stops halfway to salute the crowd a couple times, just as COLLINS rolls under the ropes – the crowd screaming their heads off! MILES sees him, his face all-business suddenly as he hurriedly goes for the briefcase!) RICE: “He can stop this! Miles can’t believe JW’s alive! He’s fumbling with the hook!” RIDDICK: “He’s on his feet, I don’t believe it!” (CLOSEUP: COLLINS shooting to his feet and leaning into the ladder, MILES holding on for dear life in full panic-mode, shaking his head frantically! With a scream, COLLINS tips the ladder over!) RICE: “BELIEVE BABY! (LOUD SCREAMS!) BELIEEEEEEEEEEEEEVE! (LOUD GROANS!) DO YOU BELIEVE...THAT!?” RIDDICK: “...I might actually have pity for Miles...wait...just gas.” ”YOU-DUBYA-AY! YOU DUBYA-AY!” RICE: “Collins with a desperation LUNGE that sends Craig Miles CROTCHSHOTTING across the top rope! And NOW, he fumbles to the mat and I don’t think he’s moving ANY time soon! If JW Collins can get up himself, he may have a new lease on life...and Craig Miles!” RIDDICK: “Stranger things have happened...” ”JAY-DUBYA! JAY-DUBYA!!” RICE: “These fans trying to revive JW Collins, he’s got a packed house wanting to see some magic happen, Neil! Craig Miles winning this would just be an AWFUL thing to swallow!” RIDDICK: “You’d have to ask his wife about that...” RICE: “I walked into that one. Sheesh.” RIDDICK: “Yeah, that was easy.” RICE: “Collins struggling to his feet (cheers!) and he’s now got a hold of Craig Miles by the hair, he’s still straddled on those ropes! Collins raises his hand in the air, this crowd wants blood! Big right hand! Another! Miles struggling to stay balanced! (crowd roars!) And now Collins starts bouncing those ropes up and down, Miles crashes into the ring! Collins slides out, he’s digging...and he’s got a new ladder! Craig Miles could be forking over some cash now!” (CLOSEUP: COLLINS stomping around the ring wide-eyed, the crowd eating it up and roaring him on, he hits the brakes in the middle making a ‘break’ motion with both his hands in the air – a loud eruption returning!) RICE: “I don’t know what that means, but this ain’t the season for the nutcracker!” RIDDICK: “JW Collins has had his balls put in a vice by 7 different women in 7 seven different states, its time his so-called best friend feels the pain...” RICE: “Wait a minute (crowd buzzing!) The T.T. Technician might be having other ideas, he’s placing Miles’ legs between the LADDER legs! (CRACK! groans!) OH! Collins with a double legdrop across the ladder! Miles’ legs are still stuck in there! (CRACK!) DOUBLE STOMP BY COLLINS!” RIDDICK: “Miles screaming in pain, but you can sense the paranoia in his voice...any injury suffered here could send his supposed crusades crashing in a tailspin!” RICE: “Collins dragging Miles out of the ladder and into the center of the ring...he’s got him by the legs! (CROWD EXPLODES!) SHARPSHOOTER! COLLINS HAS MILES LOCKED IN THE SHARPSHOOTER!” ”TAP! TAP! TAP!” RICE: “These people want to see Miles tap on their own turf!” RIDDICK: “They sure as hell know Mayfield got him to do the EXACT thing in Wyoming locked in this move, geniusly titles F.P.S.!” RICE: “That took a leg wrapped fully in barbed wire, launched 15 feet into the air and hitting the canvas – Craig Miles, I can’t believe I’m saying this looking at his blood-covered faces looks like he’s got a bit more in the tank...and less arteries being shredded.” RIDDICK: “Touche.” RICE: “ Miles clawing his way towards the ropes, the referee isn’t going to make any count to break the hold, but it could help him break this brilliant tactical move by JW Collins! Miles without his wheels has much less of a chance at stopping him from pulling down that clipboard.” RIDDICK: “This should shutup those women and kids about how hard he’s working for his family.” RICE: “Miles looks redder than cherry, but he’s close to those ropes! (boos!) He’s got them! And now, he’s using them to alleviate the leverage...(cheers!) Wait! Collins breaks the hold, but quickly spins and now has Miles held up in a wheelbarrow on the ropes! The Dean of Thermodynamics is shaking his head like a wet dog!” RIDDICK: “If Miles has a middle school diploma, I’ll be shocked.” RICE: “Collins looking at the crowd, they want a see him fly! (LOUD CHEERS!) OOF! Miles pulled off and faceplants into the mat! Collins runs over and drops an elbow to the back of his head! He’s grabbing Miles...he’s hooking him and HAS HIM UP! BOOOOOM! PILEDRIVER! MILES FOLDED OUT LIKE LAUNDRY!” RIDDICK: “Lookit his eyes, he can smell partial financial freedom!” RICE: “Collins setting up a ladder under that clipboard, what an upset we could be seeing right here! He’s battered, but he’s not given one inch and now (cheers!) he’s taking his first steps towards defeating his former best friend! Collins climbing up, this crowd roaring him on! (screams!) Miles is moving! He’s on his backseat already, wincing...but I think he knows the situation! Collins halfway up – Miles using the chair to get himself up!” RIDDICK: “And you never know if he might just push the ladder...” RICE: “It looks...(cheers!) Miles is climbing up! Collins is at the top, trying to reach the clipboard, but he’s too short to reach from where he is!” RIDDICK: “That’s always been held against him in this sport!” RICE: “Miles lands a right hand in his exposed breadbasket! Collins sucking air, Miles with another! Miles climbing up – OH! Collins with a headbutt! Miles teetering...OH! Collins lands a jawbreaker across the top! (crowd roars!) And the ladder is still standing, both men on it! Miles slumped against the middle – COLLINS IS PERCHED! (LOUD CRASH! The crowd EXPLODES!) SUNSET FLIP POWERBOMB! COLLINS JUST DROVE MILES TO THE MIDDLE OF THE EARTH!” ”UWA! UWA! UWA!” RICE: “MILES’ HEAD LANDED ON A PREVIOUSLY DISPOSED LADDER! THAT HAS TO BE IT!” RIDDICK: “That was epically close to resembling David Letterman dropping watermelons off the Ed Sullivan Theatre! Although, I’d imagine its unimaginably more queasy to view.” RICE: “JW Collins...he’s setting up that ladder ONE MORE TIME. He’s gassed! He’s just pulled off a move I didn’t even think he’d know how to do!” RIDDICK: “The man’s had long nights in jail to imagine how to take Miles out in any and every opportunity, but I doubt he foresaw erasing his deadbeat dad status...partially.” RICE: “Collins has the ladder set up, Miles isn’t moving...he better start climbing, but he’s gotta win it after that crashlanding Miles took! And here he goes, the Tiggerman is going up the proverbial mountain! One step...two steps!” RIDDICK: “Its amazing how anywhere in America, you’ll rally for the former drunk now reborn again Christian against the smoking, bitter Je—“ RICE: “Don’t say that.” RIDDICK: “Oh sure, touch upon everything else!” RICE: “Collins trying to muster his strength to drag himself up that ladder...” (CUTTO: MILES on his back...cigarette in mouth?) RIDDICK: “No...” RICE: “That’s impossible...” RIDDICK: “A wizard did it!” RICE: “Shutup!” (CUTTO: MILES sitting up a la the Undertaker, except the confused expression and hand movements gesturing towards “Where the hell is my lighter?” The crowd screams towards COLLINS frantically, urging him out of Dodge as MILES may be playing dumb...but he’s a fox waiting in the rabbit hole and they know it...) RIDDICK: “Cover your eyes, Rice – the devil is about to appear!” RICE: “Don’t give me that guff, Collins is looking down at Miles unsure of whether to attack or scale higher! Meanwhile, Miles is *really* acting like he’s lost his lighter and doesn’t have his head in the match!” (CUTTO: MILES has his back turned towards COLLINS who has opted for the leap off the ladder attempt, MILES shugs and snaps his finger...a flame flickering and the crowd WAY louder!) RICE: “What the f—(WHOOOOOOSH! LOUD SCREAMS! CRASH!) FIREBALL! HE JUST THREW A FIREBALL INTO COLLINS’ FACE! HE FELL OUT OF THE RING!” (CUTTO: MILES’ index and thumb...lighting his cigarette. The Magic show at a Vegas steakhouse nothing compared to this...) RIDDICK: “...he’s lighting his cigarette.” RICE: “I’m gonna be sick.” (CLOSEUP: MILES exhaling his cigarette with a MILESwide smirk, the crowd feverlishly booing! MILES stops, drops and rolls out of the ring right near the trainwreck formally known as JW COLLINS. Whatever hatred the crowd spewed spiked south as MILES dug under the black ring...pulling out a table!) RICE: “Oh no....Miles is pulling out a table and setting it up outside the ring!” RIDDICK: “This is the viking funeral for a wrestler, all we need is some gasoline and torches to make Miles feel at home...” RICE: “Miles draping...an UNCONSCIOUS Collins on the table, he barely looks alive! His whole face and chest area is bright red...and I’m not describing the blood, that’s burns!” (CLOSEUP: MILES rolling in the ring and then quickly setting up a ladder near the ropes, the crowd screaming hoarse for COLLINS to get the hell out of there as MILES climbs up...) RIDDICK: “You know what he’s going for! I know what he’s going for!” RICE: “Miles...he’s on top! This is it! ALL THE MARBLES! If JW Collins wants this miracle to happen he has to MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE!!!!! (LOUD SCREAMS! CRRRRRRRACK!) OHMYGOD! NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!” ”HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!” RICE: “SOUTH OF HELL! THAT RANDY SAVAGE ELBOW OFF THE LADDER! COLLINS, MILES THROUGH THE TABLE!” (CUTTO: MILES stumbling out of the dusty debris, cigarette still in mouth!) RIDDICK: “You just can’t have any answers for this!” (MILES stumbles into the camera, “WELCOME TO THE WORST PLACE ON EARTH! I LOVE IT!”) RICE: “I don’t believe this...Miles...he’s coming over here!” (SFX: rustling! RIDDICK yelling “HEY!”) RICE: “Well, at least he’s silenced Riddick – Craig Miles...what a scene, he’s going back in that ring...JW Collins could be dead for all we know!” (CUTTO: PROSSER’s ‘panther’ squad running down to check on COLLINS as MILES starts climbing the ladder that’s set up under the clipboard...as he reaches the top rung, the crowd booing loudly...he points down at COLLINS...) MILES: “The problem with you JAY DUBYA...is that you want some free handouts...well, if its MY CHARITY you need, you’re gonna have to FIGHT for it! You show up at Wrestlestock...and if you win your match against who EYE book against ya...(MILES rips the clipboard down and holds it up, the bell ringing amongst loud boos) I’ll sign THIS.” RICE: “If JW Collins has any sense left in his head after this match...hell, if we can walk...he better not go to the lion’s den! It has to be a trap, who knows what freak Miles will sign him up against! We’ll be right back fans! Hopefully we don’t have a mic for Neil.” (FADEOUT – the crowd booing as MILES walks back up the ramp, bloody...but victorious.)
