Flair and Adler vs. Almasy and Alias
Sunday, August 13 2006
Philadelphia, PA
(FADEIN: TOM ADLER, ELI FLAIR, SEYMOUR ALMASY and ALIAS getting led to the ring, apparently the UWA not feeling up to ‘introducing’ an NFW match…the UWA crowd is rabidly booing and throwing trash towards the ring…)
RICE: “Welcome back fans, and while you were gone – security has started to lead the four New Frontier Wrestling wrestlers scheduled to compete in a preliminary Ultratitle tournament match to the ring, and this crowd, no matter how much they may respect these athletes…they’re not having any of this tonight…they haven’t let up since they first smelled them!”
”YOU-DUBYA-AY! YOU-DUBYA-AY!”
RIDDICK: “Craig Miles is one sick man, ‘cause the situation he’s thrown four of his own wrestlers into risks their career and furthermore, their ULTRATITLE chances which I think that he’s forgotten is the point of that backstabbing, government-funded operation!”
RICE: ‘Government funded? What are you talking about Neil?”
RIDDICK: “I know things you don’t want to know about.”
RICE: “And where do you read these things?”
RIDDICK: (proudly) “The INTERNET. Did you know our 18th President, Garfield was a WEREWOLF?! It's true! There's a whole site about it! I bookmarked it!"
RICE: "Come on, man. . ."
RIDDICK: "It's easy! Just hit CONTROL, and hold it down, and press D. . . It's like magic! Seriously though, how else can you explain that many people so open about their rampant drug use, that guy in the Final Fantasy costume is obviously high! He’s probably an LSD patient.”
RICE: “I don’t think…”
(CLOSEUP: ALMASY walking up the ring steps and looking at his sword weirdly, his eyes bloodshot…)
ALMASY: “Dude, I’m so high right now.”
(CUTTO: RIDDICK and RICE at their desk, RICE’s jaw agape as RIDDICK nods…)
RIDDICK: “The question about NFW isn’t about who is on drugs, but who ISN’T. Nobody gets away with that in this sport so easily without knowing someone really powerful on the inside…”
(FLASH CUTTO! “JOINED IN PROGRESS – 5:08” blinks on the screen as ADLER and ALIAS are in the ring, FLAIR watching from the outside and ALMASY somewhere off-camera…)
RICE: “For the last couple of minutes, Alias has tried to stay alive in this match as Seymour Almasy went off in search of a vendor! Alias bridging out of a pin attempt, but Adler reverses it into a gutwrench! NO! Suplex by Adler! He’s got a grip of Alias’ hair, and hasn’t even attempted to tag in Eli Flair!
(CUTTO: ALMASY paying for a hot dog…)
RIDDICK: “I guess he’s not Jewish.”
RICE: “Adler with an Irish Wh—NO! Alias reverses the whip and send Adler packing, Flair tags his back! Alias going for a back body drop, but Adler sunset flips! Alias fighting to stay on his feet and here comes FLAIR! CLOTHES—Alias ducks and Adler has him pinned as Flair hits the ropes! SLIDING DROPKICK TO ADLER’S JAW! FLAIR NAILED HIS OWN PARTNER!”
RIDDICK: “Standard NFW operation procedure right there, Rice.”
RICE: Flair getting up, but Adler trips him up! Alias leaps onto Flair and locks in a side headlock, and by the look on his face he’s more than a little upset with Seymour Almasy!”
(FLASH CUTTO! “JOINED IN PROGRESS – 11:07” blinks on the screen as FLAIR has ALIAS locked in a camel clutch…noticeably absent is ALMASY…)
RICE: “Its only a matter of time before Alias’ body breaks under his will, having to deal with two wrestlers that are world-class superstars in a basic handicap match since Seymour Almasy…well…”
(CUTTO: ALMASY eating another hot dog, at least twenty-five wrappers at his feet…)
ALMASY: “So good, so awesome…”
RIDDICK: “He really tries to copy crazy Japanese feats a little too much.”
RICE: “Flair breaking the hold and now picking up Alias…and shoves him into a neutral corner and blasts him in the gut with a big boot! Another! Flair grabs him and whips him across the ring and follows in with a huge clothesline!”
”NFW SUCKS! NFW SUCKS!”
RICE: “The fans not really getting into this at all…Flair grabbing Alias by the hair and bringing him up to a standing base, hooks him around the waist…BELLY TO BELLY! He’s got him pinned, ONE! TWO! NO!”
”THIS F’N SUCKS! THIS F’N SUCKS!”
(CUTTO: ALMASY noticing the crowd…)
ALMASY: (to the vendor) “Man, I’d hate to be the guys in that match…”
VENDOR: “You’re in the match, you stoned faggot!”
RICE: “I do NOT condone the use of that word, but welcome to Philadelphia. Flair raising Alias up to his feet – OH! Poke to the eye by Sheffield, I guess when in Rome! Flair stumbling away blinded and Adler reaches over the ropes and tags him! He hasn’t been in the ring for five minutes as Flair worked down Alias! WAIT! WAIT! I DON’T BELIEVE IT!”
(CUTTO: ALMASY leaping onto the apron excitedly and tagging ALIAS, who swerves around and screams “FINALLY!” ALMASY slingshots into the ring!)
RIDDICK: “He’s still got mustard on his cheek!”
RICE: “Almasy flying into the ring and Adler stepping back seemingly surprised the stoner showed up! Almasy with a handspring flying elbow! Adler into the corner, Almasy crashes to the mat! Almasy up quickly, Adler fires out with a clothesline, but Almasy ducks! Adler hooks him around the waist from behind! Adler ducks a back elbow! And ducks another! German Supl---WOW! (crowd marks!) ALMASY FLIPPED OUT OF IT! HE’S ON HIS FEET! Adler swerves around and ducks under a spin kick! He’s got Almasy around the waist! Inverted Atomic Drop!”
(CLOSEUP: ALMASY no-sells the move and takes off ADLER’s head with a spinning elbow smash!)
RIDDICK: “Either he’s got armour in that suit, or Seymour is short for Seymourella!”
RICE; “Almasy stepping out of the ring and going up to the top rope!”
(CUTTO: ALMASY reaching up top, but stopping!)
ALMASY; (looking upwards) “Oooooooh. Pretty lights.”
RICE: “Here comes ADLER! HE’S GOT ALMASY HOOKED!”
(CROWD GROANS!)
RICE: “TOP ROPE GUTBUSTER! OHMYGOD! AFTER ALL THOSE HOT DOGS!”
(CUTTO: ALMASY kicking frantically on the mat, ADLER grabs his tights and rips him up!)
RICE: “ADLER GOING FOR THE ABDOMINAL STRETCH! (mark!) NO! ADLERPLEX! HE’S GOT ALMASY! ONNNNNNNNNNNNNNE! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
(CUTTO: FLAIR and ALIAS both hopping off the apron and walking away, FLAIR can be seen saying “Fuck this shit.”)
RICE: “THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! ADLER PINS ALMASY! THIS ONE’S OVER!”
(The crowd starts booing LOUDLY and restart the “NFW SUCKS!” chants up in unison, the crowd panning around the arena catching their reaction.)
RICE: “A picture says one thousand words, folks. We’ll be back.”
